You're a wizard, Angus
by Sadik fricking Adnan
Summary: "You're a wizard, Angus," Arthur muttered in a Scottish accent. "I'm a WHAT?" - If you've seen "You're a wizard, Harry" you know what to expect.


**_You're a Wizard, Angus._**

Angus stared across the cafe table at Arthur.

Arthur stared back.

Around them, patrons chatted.

"You're a wizard, Angus," Arthur muttered in a Scottish accent.

"I'm a WHAT!?" Angus replied in an English accent.

The noise quietened for a bit, before picking back up again.

"Angus," he said, "you're a wizard."

"I'm a WHAT!?"

"A wizard, Angus."

By now, people were staring and whispering.

"I'm a WIZARD!?"

"Yes, Angus," he said, "you're a wizard."

"But I'm just Angus!"

"Well 'Just Angus', you're a wizard."

"But I'm just Angus!"

"No, 'Just Angus', you are a wizard!"

"Listen here Arthur I'm just Angus!"

"NO! Angus, you are a wizard!"

The patrons were staring and a father had just left with his child.

"I'm not a wizard, Arthur, I'm just Angus!"

"Listen, Angus, you're a wizard!"

"No, Arthur, I'm just Angus!"

"Angus, for God's sake, you're a wizard!"

"I'm confused, but I'm feeling the pain of the short git," Fred whispered to George.

"A WIZARD!? I'm just Angus!"

"No, 'Just Angus', you're a wizard!"

"I'm not a wizard, Arthur, I'm just Angus!"

"No, 'Just Angus', you're a wizard!"

"I'm not a wizard Arthur!"

"ANGUS! You are a WIZARD!"

"Just cut to the chase already," a girl whispered to her friend.

"Listen here, Arthur, you FAT OAF. I'm not a FUCKING WIZARD!"

"Well shit," her friend whispered back.

Arthur stood up and slammed his palms on the table, "For God's sakes, Angus, what is with this language!? You're a FUCKING WIZARD!"

Angus stood up as well and shoved Arthur, "I don't give a FUCK you FAT HAIRY BASTARD. I'm not a FUCKING WIZARD."

Arthur sighed, moved around the table and patted the scot on the arm, "Listen, Angus. You're going to go to Hogwarts and do SPELLS AND SHIT. And you're going to be FUCKING PLEASED about it!"

Angus slapped Arthur's hand away and whirled around to face him, "I don't WANT to do your FUCKING SPELLS you BASKET-CASE! Stick it up your FUCKING DICK-HOLE!"

"My FUCKING WHAT?!"

Angus' accent suddenly switched back to Scottish and he snapped, "Arthur! Yer pushin' me over the FUCKING LINE!"

"No, I'm not!" Arthur retorted, stamping on Angus' foot, "You are a wizard! You're gonna go to Hogwarts, you gonna do spells, you get a a wand, you get a fucking owl, it'll deliver your mail, DEAL WITH IT ya TWAT!"

The patrons had made a wide circle around the two Brits and one of the workers was calling the police.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING PUT MY DICK IN THE OWL!"

Arthur gently patted Angus on the arm, "I did that when I was younger, and that was a bad move, you are a wizard."

"I'm a WHAT!?"

"YOU'RE A WIZARD ANGUS FOR FUCK'S SAKE LISTEN TO ME!"

Angus Scottish accent suddenly blared through as he shouted back, "Arthur I've been through this I don't give a BLOODY FUCK WHAT YOU THINK!"

"This is NOT negotiable! You come with me, you SPECCY BOWL-HAIRED CUT FUCK SMALL DICK SKINNY CUNT EAT MORE WANKER!"

"I'LL FUCKING SET YER BEARD ON FIRe hahaha..." Angus snorted, and Arthur's mouth twitched.

"'MON THEN YOU LITTLE SPECCY CUNT SQUARE-GO LIKE"

"I'LL FUCKING BURST YE"

"Right you, you little wankstain. If you don't get your act together, I'm going to drag you to Hogwarts. You'll get a wand, you'll get an owl, that'll deliver your SHITEY MAIL and that'll be that, and you'll enjoy in, ya shhh chh ch sh chinky – haha..." Arthur snorted.

"I'll FUCKING NAW YER ARM OFF, Arthur!"

"Listen you! Get near my arm, and I'll slap you across the face like a little BITCH"

"I'll PUMP YE SILLY"

Arthur was flat out laughing now as the police burst through the cafe door, "'MON THEN YE CUNT"

"SUCK MY PIXIE DICK YOU CHUBBY COON"

"I'LL RUPTURE YOUR FUCKING ANUS WITH MY MASSIVE BEAR COCK"

"I'LL RIP YOUR GIANT DICK AND BASH YE' ACROSS THE JAW WITH IT"

"LES' GO RIGHT NOW BRING IT ON YE LITTLE WANK"

The police grabbed them.

They were released on bail.

Denmark slapped them both across the face (like little bitches).


End file.
